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Hey there gorgeous.

you have stumbled upon the secret diary of jiali :D

welcome.

29th May, 2009
Dear Diary,

i went to the singapore flyer on a friday and that is why this notebook you've looking at now has a post-it-note stuck to it saying 'flyer friday'. i think alliterations are awesome, dont you think so too? i hope you do, 'cause if not i'll attempt to crush you with my little pinky. it tells me to remember the sweet times i've had with a guy called zhnqn. that's his name with the vowels stashed out. i hope i can remember his name and his face and his shoulder and his big big palm that i used to hold, should i turn old and get stricken by dementia someday.

it sounds creepy to be old, doesn't it? D:
we ate yummy red strawberries coated with dark chocolate as adults call 'fondue'. i think they really nice and i like them alot. mayb someday i'll open a chocolatier and i'll name it zhnqn. people wont know how to pronounce it and that's gnna be the cool thing about it :D

zHnQn. ZhNqN. ZHNQN. zhnqn.
sounds good any way, doesnt it! :D

k tht's th end for today i hope i wont get dementia when i grow old.
byebye.

xoxo,
♥ jiali

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

to 2a, with love.

Sunday, October 28, 2007 @ 2:58 PM

to 2a, with love.

this one's for th grt times we've had tgt.

this is gna be a long one, peeps.

i shall not start like others did, saying things that we've done, saying that they missed 2a, or evn posting any pictures. instead, i've decided t start like this.

i went t ikea ytd cos my mummy wanted t buy candles w/ those aromatic smells. thn thr were those huge ones that were on sale, so obviously my mummy bought thm. at first she only wanted one. but in th end, she bought five, and she was like asking me-

"they're so cheap, let's buy somemore.."

and after some hesitation, she went-

"aiyah, buy so much, dont knw whr t put lehs.."

and could you guess what i almost told her-

"nevermind luh, next time if my class blackout, thn can use wad."

and t think that i almost blurted this out of my mouth. this could be th world's grtest joke. i mean, i hvta learn t get over this particular fact tht it's over. and im starting all over, somewhr else.

but simply, can i?

in fact, i dont know if i actually can. evn this skin was an impulse. i didnt know why, this idea just came so naturally, as though i hvnt evn put in much thought t it. but it still came, and th words just flowed in.

i just couldnt help, but reminisce th times we've had tgt, great, or sucky.

from th day i stepped in 2a, i felt indeed like what valerie said. i told myself this-

"in two very short years, i shall get out of this toot-toot class, and get into one class that i'll learn t love a lot and alot and alot."

but now, guess what? we're all in th class w/ teary faces, all plastered w/ tht same feeling- that same nostalgia, tht same attitude-d attitude tht'll rock on forever. it just comes over you, like evythg natural in th world. you cant stop it, and neither can you hide it. &it's cos of this, that th whole big family had been overwhelmed. which was why my tears could not find any way t defy gravity.

i loved this class, as a class tht i've learnt t rock with.

im loving this class, as a class tht had gone thru evythg tgt.

i loved this class, for it was a home, a grt big home for us.

i will love this class, as a class that will forever be my class.

th very first time i stepped into th clsrm- i knw no one, and i rmbed only making two new friends- joyce and grace. i rmb xiaopeng telling us t vote for th song we wanted t perform for th orientation night, and i rmbed standing firmly t my choice of 童话. and i can vividly rmb myself, sitting in front, raising up my hand.

to this day. i still rmb each and evy step that went along w/ our song. im still rmbing those harsh comments by desmond lim (hey, i wont forget you, as tht ever so sucked up history teacher we've had. go learn your manners, please. and ps, it's alr v v v kind of me t say 'please'. go t other ppl's blogs and i highly doubt they'll do tht, alright).

yes, so what if we did look like toots/nerds/guaikias doing those actions and reaching those high pitches? it was a class effort, a class determination. and i bet you, this rafflesian, had not known any single shit about it. because you werent a part of our class, you werent th part of tht heartbeat. you did not evn have a single bit of participation in it, so why criticise?!

dammit. this seems more like some lecture. ohboy. whatever.

and yes, i still sing that song w/ pride, evn w/ tears in my eyes, i choked thm back. we girls were singing pretty loudly- as a matter of fact, we sang our hearts out. but what did you guys do? stand thr, not evn looking at us.

what did that mean? oh well, if we do infer, we can actually see that y'all werent evn giving us tht simple respect tht we needed. you guys werent evn wanting t be a part of us. was singing our orientation night song that shameful? or was it that you guys were too busy acting cool tht you forgot tht you had a class that you were in?!

(im really sorry about some guys who really wanted/tried their best, like alan, kh, cy and all, but it's just tht. it's just that. oh gah, im just really pissed now.)

what valerie said was meant t be a wake up call for y'all. i was alr teeth-seething, but i didnt let my emotions rule over me. i didnt want t glare at thm during our last recess, i didnt want it t be instilled in thm that we girls were some freaks that wanted thm t perform like clowns. i tested my tolerance, i frankly waited for thm t join in as we were about t reach 童话's chorus.

but i didnt wnt tht disappointment t be splattered all over my face. i didnt wnt thm t see what my heart really wanted t scream out t th ppl. it was just a plain, simple fact tht i wanted a fantastic, fabulous, and absolutely wonderful last break for us.

but im afraid this could only be found in my dreams.

你哭着对我说

童话里都是骗人的

我不可能是你的王子

也许你不会懂

从你说爱我以后

我的天空星星都亮了

我会变成童话里

你爱的那个天使

张开双手变成翅膀守护你

你要相信

相信我们会像童话故事里

幸福和快乐是结局

did you guys know how much i wanted t cry whn i sang this part?

th fact is tht- no, you guys didnt.

幸福和快乐是结局

it meant so much to us, but it meant just nothing to you all.

it meant nothing.

nothing, w/ a big fullstop.

we didnt wnt you guys t like, jump off th building just t proclaim this love for your class of two years. we just wanted you guys t sing. period. i just wanted you guys t show some sense of initiative you had. was it that difficult?

no, have i forgotten th fact tht they were twoA's guys.

yeah, it was just plain stupid of me t wish for thm t sing, knowing tht they wouldnt.

yes, blame it on me and my stupidity.

now, i feel as though im such a failure. a failure as a girl, a failure as a chairman.

i failed as a chairman, cos i failed t lead thm into singing, for one last time.

i failed as a chairman, because i couldnt get thm tgt.

i failed as a chairman, because i could sense that disappointment.

i failed as a chairman, because i felt so lost.

LOOK-

i felt that lost, that i could do nothing but effing cry.

tell me, if these didnt happen, would i not count as a failure?

it's confirm plus chop right that im not a guy, and for this, i can nvr understand how a guy means whn he does all such sort of things. im so sorry tht you'll just hvta accept that im Female w/ a capital 'F'.

i was really happy during th prize presentation, whn th guys actually agreed t go w/ us t vivo for lunch. i was really happy, and obviously you cant fake happiness right. but it turned out that th whole thing wasnt as great as i expected it t be- TH LAST LUNCH, however you call it.

we ended up playing truth or dare, and obviously evyone was visibly bored out. but guess what, i didnt know what happen t HIM, but it was apparent tht he didnt evn have enough energy (i guess) t evn listen t us.

th game was boring, i know that. i appeared t be like, real hyper and jumpy whn it was my turn t do th dare. and yes, i acted like an idiot and let all of you take videos/pictures of me. i took it like, whatever- since it was for my class. but it turned out really wrong whn i went back.

th first person i saw w/ th bag alr on his shoulder was YOU. please, i dont know what happened t you on that day. see- evn if you had a concert t attend later in th evening, could you please show that you have some excitement in you whn you were playing th game?! or at least put up a false pretence, just like i did?!

but no, you didnt.

and we ended up playing dares like pulling out each other's earphones.

and it wasnt getting anywhr near th word 'fun'.

i know i looked pretty much listless whn i walked back t my place after my dare. all th guys were going off, and apparently their ball game was much more impt thn US.

i hvta say it was indeed my fault for not organising any interesting-enough games for th class. i know it was my fault. but honestly, i didnt expect thm t walk off, just like that.

i was so damned pissed, that i almost felt like collapsing. i was so pissed, to th extent that i even felt that it wasnt worth crying anymore. it wasnt worth crying for a class, that wasnt a class, bonded w/ all th guys& gals tgt.

i felt evn worse whn it turned out tht th guys waited outside for us at pet safari. it srsly make me wonder that- if no one msged thm, would they have that conscience t come back and wait for us.

we walked t th bus interchange.

and guess what was blasting from th speakers?

th song from our musical, solo-ed by zhenqin-

Lips of An Angel.

Honey why you calling me so late?

It's kinda hard to talk right now.

Honey why are you crying?

Is everything okay?

I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room

Sometimes I wish she was you

I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice say my name

It sounds so sweet

Coming from the lips of an angel

Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye

But girl you make it hard to be faithful

With the lips of an angel

was it just me, or was it tht fate really wanted us t be tgt as a class again?

&my heart ached. because i couldnt imagine myself doubting thm. and i felt really guilty for harbouring all such thoughts- doubting thm, getting pissed w/ thm and all.

because afterall- they're still 2a guys.

they're still th guys of my o6o7 class.

this class of people whom i never knw whn i could meet again.

we decided t go t chevrons. and we waited for th bus. i had this deal w/ th girls-
if 97 came in 5mins, we would go on t chevrons.
if it didnt, thn we would go our separate ways.

but one of us protested, saying that we all knew 97 takes like years t come.

so we plunged in another 5mins.

and this was for real.

i checked my watch almost every minute.

9.41.

9.42.

9.43.

9.44.

9.45.

9.46.

9.47.

9.48.

9.49.

9.50.

th time didnt wait for 9.51 t come. but 97 arrived, almost miraculously, on th 9th minute.

I SRSLY WNA THANK YOU, WHATEVER GOD UP THR, FOR CREATING THIS LAST MIRACLE FOR US.

but this was really fate, created for us.

&whn we were at chevrons. whn genie and i reached th playground after th arcade. you guys walked away. and i had th girls telling me that you guys were all pretty much enthu and that you all climbed up tht red thingum (hey, i dont know wht tht's called, so dont probe me._.)

it terribly warmed my heart.

it warmed it so much, that it almost melted into tears.

th guys werent as bad as i thought they would be afterall.

TH LOVE-HATE AFFAIR, again.

even though i've said those horrible words about thm above, they were th facts.

even though i've uttered those terrible things about thm, i still loved thm, as th guys i've had in my class.

i remember saying those words- 再见. (hey, we didnt say goodbye right! :D)

&you guys replying- 告辞了.

&i guess i hvta say one last thankyou t th guys-

because y'all actually waved goodbye t us.

i deeply appreciate that MANly act.

thank you, so very much.

ALL I'D LIKE T SAY NOW IS-
thnks for th mmrs, because they meant a lot and a lot, and a lot t me.
and these mmrs would be ones that can nvr be erased/faded.
2A shall always be fondly rmbed/loved,
by a girl w/ th name of JIALIY

so, our journey came t an end,
&this story ended w/ a smile;